Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
