my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
