guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
