I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
