she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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