His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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