Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
