I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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