Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
