there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
