Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
