Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
