it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize