If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize