why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
