So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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