We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
