alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize