i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
