he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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