I want to stick my p in your. b.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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