So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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