I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
third nipple confirmed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
