Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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