Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
