I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
