when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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