Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
