Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
