i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
