Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
