We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
