my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
