BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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