I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
