My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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