We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize