hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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