Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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