Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
