Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
