remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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