You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
