apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize