Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
