How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
