My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think people are normalizing furries
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
