I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
