sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
