was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
