Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
