wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
