This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
