It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
