I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
