happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
