Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
