Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
