Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
