Pappa wants mamma naked
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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