Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
