I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
someone owes me an orgasm
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
