I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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