You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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