I can tuck mytits in my pants
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
