East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
