I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
