I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
